who i am

I try to tell myself i'm happy with who i am when i look in the mirror. Accepting that this is as pretty as i'll ever be. But one thing that bothers me the most is that people say "accept yourself and just be happy with who you are, it makes you happier." Well i don't know who came up with that load of bull but it's definitely easier said than done. When i think about it i hate almost everything about myself. From my hair to my toes, especially my weight. I have a really bad weight problem i go from weighing a lot to barely weighing anything. Right now i'm at the stage where i weigh a lot. And i don't like it everyday is a struggle to get through knowing society doesn't accept people who don't look like a perfect size 0-2. Even worse i'm a teenager in school. I feel like i'm in a fat suit and this isn't me it's just a momentary state i'm in. Like how it's day and night. I just keep telling myself that it's night time and soon enough it will be day and i'll be all back to the way i was before. But that isn't going to happen without a little, more like a lot of work. A lot of eating healthy, drinking water, and working out. And about all 3 of those things i don't exactly take a liking to. So it will be even more of a struggle to push through. I just want to look good for the dance coming up on June 6th at my school this is the dress i'm going to be wearing. 

I'm in love with it and i don't exactly have a date to the dance so i want to look good and show every guy want they could have had. And most of all just for that one night i want to feel like i'm myself and not in a body suit of fat that isn't me. I want to be me for the night. Also i really hope i pass all me end of year testing it's really freaking me out that i might not make it to the next grade and passing means so much to me but anyways it's along story so i'll make another post about that. And if you're wondering the dress is from deb's homecoming section.